andi setiawan's blog

It’s been a couple of days I hardly sleep every single of the night.. Even now, I can’t fall asleep.. I got headache.. 🙁

I don’t know why.. maybe just because I’m too tired.. or because I’m cursed for being too mean to someone. Someone.. a girl.. that used to be very special.. or even worse, two girls.. :-[

The story’s started back in the spring 2011 (Feb) when I was working for a company in Singaraja. I was in a serious relationship with this girl, let’s say her name was Honey. Honey, worked in Denpasar. So it was a long-distance relationship or LDR as youngster knows..

But, I broke the relationship with her for a simple reason, i wanna focus to my job. At that time I didn’t feel any feeling to her, i didn’t know why, it was just… gone.. maybe i was just toooooo focused to my job. So, with so many tricks and helps from my dear old friend, i got rid of her. By the time I saw her walked away the gate of my former apartment, i felt that i was being so mean.

Few weeks later, I got into another relationship with another girl.. #what????
Yes, the very same girl who helped me to get rid of my previous ex. Let say her name was Baby. It was a challenging path to stay together with her. So many obstacles, so many challenges, so many stories. Long story short, still, it wasn’t ended happily like the previous one.

After more than one year of unstable relationship, we finally separated by thousands of miles, another LDR in a different continent. For God sake.. why in the world i broke the relationship for the same reason?? I just wanted to focus on my job, didn’t want to have any relationship with anyone, not that i turned into a gay, but i’ve lost my feeling.

After two girls being hurted, now i feel so guilty. But what can I do? I can not just go back to one of them, I cant just turn back the time so I can tell my self to keep them as my soulmate.

The only thing i can do to make it right is to ask for their forgiveness. For sure, I will still feeling guilty even after they have forgiven me.

And now I’m listening to this MP3 in my xperia, Jar of Hearts – Christina Perry. Wow, i can’t explain how i feel (” ‘︿’)