I’m such a total jerk lately. oh… I’m so fucked up, I’m jobless, and nearly homeless..

Fortunately I got enough money in my bank account to support my fucking life for next 15 days, coz it is impossible to beg something from my fams since I’m a jobless motherfucker. So I’m counting on my own now.

This is just a shame of me. I can’t even dare my self to show my face in front them. That’s why I decided to live far away from them and come home only if they need me.

I’m just an useless dickhead. Maybe you know how does it feels if you’re a grown up men and jobless, and if you’re not a jerk, then you wont ask anything to your fams. Coz men has to face their own destiny.

I don’t have a job for this pass 1 month, coz I don’t want to have one. Why? don’t ask me why coz I don’t know either. It’s like, there are so many confusions in my head that wont let me to do the right things in the right time. So many of them!

I’ve blamed my self for all this shits. For all the things I didn’t do before. For being an useless men ever live. For ain’t doing things to support my fams.

But what’s the point off all this shits? I don’t even try to do things to show that I’m a good son. I’m not like my friends, they study in university, they work and live on their own, their parents must be proud of them.

Arrgghhhh…. I’m such a big embarrassment they ever had. I could commit suicide if I don’t love ‘em.

I don’t expect anyone help in this situation, except if they could give me a better things to do instead of wandering around my boarding house until next 2 weeks before I go to Denpasar to apply for a job aboard.